Most people may be aware of insecure attachment style but it is also important to understand WHAT IS SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE ? and how does it look alike? In this article we are going to understand the secure attachment style, how to build that? And how to feel that.
SECURE attachment style
People with a secure attachment style are able to set healthy boundaries and tend to feel safe, stable, comfortable and more satisfied in their close relationships. They don’t fear being on their own, they easily thrive in close, meaningful relationships.
It doesn’t mean you’re perfect or you don’t experience relationship problems.That you are secure enough to take responsibility for your own mistakes and failings, and are willing to seek help and support when you need it.
Parenting style AFFECTS attachment style ?
Understanding your attachment style can offer vital clues to know why you are having problems in your adult relationships. Maybe you repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over? Or maybe you struggle to form meaningful connections in the first place?
Parents who manage to raise children with a secure attachment style simply do not break that trust. Yet, this is not always as simple as it sounds. Attachment, or the attachment bond, is the emotional connection you formed at a very young age (infant) with your primary caregiver—probably your mother then Father other than your close family members. If your primary caretaker made you feel comfortable, safe and understood as an infant, if they were able to respond to your cries and accurately interpret your changing physical and emotional needs, then you likely developed a secure attachment.
And the Reward of good parenting helps to grow the adult as self-confident, trusting, and hopeful, also manage conflict, respond to intimacy positively, and navigate the ups and downs of romantic relationships.
SELF- AWARENESS to develop our secure attachment style
Firstly, Owning our unhealthy pattern in our life. Like, If you self identified the same mistake that is repeating the situation or some of your Friends gave the same advice or feedback. It’s time to BIG PAUSE and understand how accurate it is and try to accept the situation even if it is difficult.
Secondly, Taking an effort to recognize when you start to engage with unhealthy coping habits like isolating for too long, changing appearance to distract things etc. When these things you find unhealthy try to correct the behavior and instead isolate yourself try to reach out to your trustful peoples and instead changing appearance to distract things try to sit and feel and figure it out with solution.
Thirdly, Understand your triggers and prepare yourself early. For example, If someone’s way of communication triggers you, then create a plan on how to communicate with boundary statements or try to avoid that person’s conversation by avoiding the situation which makes you start the conversation.
Fourthly, Try to accept your flaws and mistakes of our own. Patient with yourself and calmly take accountability when you mess up with something. For like, If you are feeling alone in most situations and hard to reach out people, Instead being shy or feeling of unwanted reach your trustable people and try to open up it may help to overcome your problem.
Atlast, Try to say NO and make an effort to connect with yourself and also respect your feelings instead of being ok every time for other people's happiness. For example, if the other person’s conversation makes you uncomfortable, you can listen first and also try to view their point of view then express your feelings without agreeing immediately or for the person.
DEEP thoughts of Secure relationship
If you want to be in a secure relationship , it’s helpful to surround yourself with those who are in successful and understandable relationships..
In the same way, you can improve your relationships by learning about how people with healthy relationships think and behave. You can improve your relationships by Notice or ask how these individuals set appropriate boundaries in their partnership in being healthy relationships.
Make a plan to break unhelpful patterns. It’s hard work to break a pattern, but remind yourself of the many rewards of improving your relationships.
If you hesitate to trust or commit to your partner, try to find evidence that justifies your concern. Consider that you may be projecting experiences from past relationships onto your current relationship.
Secure attachment requires communicating your hopes, fears, Trauma, expectation and concerns in a respectful, open-hearted way. Non-verbal communication is also playing a vital role in it. Eye Contact, trustable hands, Nods, agreeable body languages with trustable positive energy.
When you are faced with disappointment, setbacks, and misfortune in your relationships as well as other parts of your life, you’re resilient enough to bounce back.
When conflict does happen, listen empathetically to your partner and determine how you can help each other feel understood and connected, even if you disagree.
Remember, someone who is securely attached can make it easier in your own journey toward secure attachment. If you’re in a relationship, reflect and try to improve on areas where it's needed.
House can never be a HOME
IF you want Home then build with good intentions and most importantly with the same intention people. If it's not, it'll stay as a house, not be our HOME.
Even if your childhood was not perfect. You can appreciate the good and understand and move on from the bad. If you suspect that your attachment style is not entirely secure, then try to figure it out and you can also seek help.
You might be wondering whether you can change it and make it secure. The good news is YES. We can develop secure attachment as an adult if we have patience with ourselves and being consistent with our actions, most importantly with trying to understand and we can fix this person.So, we can
